Afraid to eat...

and not just because of the pain i get cuz i usually eat too fast but because i am paranoid about losing weight. Right now i am losing just over 1 lb a day. LOVING it. i am afraid as i introduce more food my weight loss will slow down, stop or even wore i will gain. i know i am not eating anywhere near the amount of fat, sugar and calories that i was pre surgery. but still i am scared. i want to lose weight soooo badly. i badly want to eat normal meals...but at the same time i don't. not if it affects my weight loss. i have HUGE anxiety over this. i don't want to be fat forever.

Smile! its picture time!

So i vowed every 50lbs i would show a pic. so here's me (all in black) at my heaviest...and then me after losing 55 lbs! i know ignore the awful hair...we havnt been getting along latly! click the pic to see better..not sure why its overlapping with the other pics.

55 lbs down!!!

in 7 weeks i have lost 55 lbs!!!!!!!! i am so excited! I am almost done week 3 of the post surgery diet (6 weeks in total) so far i have been allowed to try melba toast, low fat cream cheese,saltines, as well as all my full fluid things (and a few things that i dont like so wont touch), the melba tost i had with light cream cheese and it hurt my stomach for 2 hours afterwards! we are talking severe pain! so i havnt tried that again. lol. i know part of the problem is i eat too fast (i always have eaten really really fast) and it causes a lot of pain. so working on that. 50lbs lost was my first goal so i get to buy myself a bookshelf for the bedroom!!! yay me!!!

lets talk about the surgery!

So I have updated on FB, but havnt really felt up to doing a whole post about it yet. so here goes. we left to go to hamilton at 4 am wednesday (4th) morning. got there early of course so we had to wait in the car as the doors didnt open till 6 am. after we got inside they took my info and i went pee, then they took me to the back alone. I got in a gown (nothing else) and they hooked up an iv. which took forever as i am a bad poke. they gave me a shot of heprarin in my thigh and then finally brant was allowed to wait with me. my suregery wasnt set till 9 am, but they had to run a couple iv medications first. so we chatted and killed time. seemed like forever as i was pretty nervous by now. while we waited a few doctors came and spoke to us about what was going to happen etc... finally it was almost 9 am and my turn. they put a cap over my hair and i said i love you to brant and was wheeled on the stretcher to the OR. said hi to dr.Hong (the surgeon) who was chatting in the hall with other doctors. indisde i was introduced to everyone, and then asked to scoot onto the operating table. it was cold and had a kinda sticky mat on it. but they let me keep the blanket on so i didnt flash everyone...something yes i was worried about lol. once laying down on it. they put a mask on me, oxygen...said to breathe a couple times. said to let them know when i was getting sleepy....all of a sudden the whole room started spinning really fast, i told them and they said that was normal...i was on the verge on a panic attack...and bam i dont remember anything after that lol. i was pretty out of it in recovery, had trouble waking up, i had my cpap machine on and o2 was hooked up to it...apparently my heart beat was high as well. i was done suregery at 10:30 dr.hong came out then and spoke to brant saying everything went great. her could see me in about an hourish. well it ended up 3 hours in recovery because of my sats. needed quite a bit of 02. finally i was brought to the 6th floor...brant met me up there. honestly the rest of the day is a pretty big blur lol. i slept away most of it...i would try and stay awake but i couldnt. so around 6 brant went home so i could rest. the next day i was much more awake...started on fluids (water), did really well and was able to have the iv taken out. i was also off oxygen that day as well. brant came for a few hours in the afternoon, i walked as much as i could. the gas pain was pretty painful. friday monring everything looked well and i was sent home that morning!